Monday, 27 October 2014

Food Pets, Bob and Me



I am the proud owner of an 8yr old small person. (Well, I say owner, I think it is the other way around really, I'm definite that she thinks I am "staff")

8yr olds are funny, they can come out with the most amusing statements and then in their next breath, refuse to wear clothes and decide to hack off their own hair with a blunt knife. 

Such fun. 

MY 8 year old, currently is obsessed with food pets. Now, I'm not talking about sticking a face on a tin of beans and talking to it occasionally, it runs MUCH deeper than that. 

First there was Bob the pumpkin. A couple of years ago she developed an attachment to a pumpkin that had been carved with a face and decided that he was her friend. 

Cue MUCH, MUCH screaming when Bob started to smell a bit and well, rot. This is when the teenage child decided to chip in and say that no-one threw away her brother and he smells. Cue more screaming. (this may have been me)

There was also an attempt by the 8yr old to run away with Bob to save his life. This was a short attempt that only lasted as long as it took to realise that I wasn't running away with them and she would have to carry Bob herself. (It is the thought that counts, right?)


See ya Bob. 

One binned food pet and no more was ever said about it. 

Until this October when I purchased a Watermelon. Small child has grown a bit, she is also a little more wily. I didn't think anything about the watermelon for a day or two until I decided we should eat it for dessert one evening. 


No Watermelon was to be found.

but there was one SHIFTY looking 8 yr old. 


"Where is the watermelon, S?"

"You mean Bob?'



FUCK.



"It is our dessert"


"It is my friend"



FUCK



"Where is it?"


"Watching TV in my room, Why?"



FUCK


"Can you bring him..... I mean, it, down here please"


"No"


Two days passed. Bob even came to parent evening with us. (In a buggy) The teenagers began to prowl around Bob, I mean the watermelon, with the look of hungry coyotes eyeing up a steak. These are the teenagers that usually think that fruit should only be served in juice form or as a topping on a pizza, and now they are discussing how watermelon is a vital source of vitamins and an essential part of their 5 a day. 

The 8 yr old had an emergency bag by the front door and kept threatening the teenagers with harm to their favourite things if they so much as breathed in Bob's direction. 

FUN TIMES. 


And then, it is with sorrow that I have to report on the demise of Bob. He was left in the kitchen for more than ten minutes unsupervised, the kitchen with all the sharp knives, and where teenagers come to feed after dark. 

One of the teens cracked and gently slid a knife into Bob, they stopped, because the guilt got too much, but by then it was too late. 

Ever told an 8yr old that you cannot stitch up a watermelon? Or use bandages?

Oh I have. and it is NOT FUN. 

although she did agree that cutting up Bob and sharing him is what he would have wanted us to do. 

After we gave him the face he had always needed, OBVIOUSLY.



I swore there and then that there would be no more food pets. 

NOT ONE. 

And then Halloween rolled round. 


Meet Bob. 




This is going to get messy isn't it?


Help me. 

Any advice?


Let me know.


Big Fashionista x x x



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2 comments

  1. Haha I have no advice but wanted to say good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  2. hahahahaha love it. Food pets are the best. Apart from the smell of course ;)

    ReplyDelete

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