Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Fur-kin Hell



With Christmas fast approaching and Christmas adverts getting more and more like films, it is heartening to see old favourites like Duracell on my screen talking about putting Duracell batteries in toys to make them last longer. 
Bless their innocence, I'm the person that takes batteries OUT of things after they have driven me to distraction for 24 hours, or swaps out one new battery for an old one so it doesn't last as long (pro tip, right there) 
Then I notice that Duracell are using a FURBY in their advert. Seriously Duracell, if there was EVER a thing that didn't need it's battery life extending....


Furbys are the work of the devil. I used to have one myself, (Yes, I was an adult, I bloody loved it.) I don't know what happened to it, but I KNOW it is sitting wherever it went, just WAITING for me to come back. Furbys don't die, they just sleep, and wait...... FOREVER. 

When Furbys came back, I remembered my old Furby with fondness, (forgetting all the times it had sat on a shelf laughing to itself in the middle of the night, freaking me out) and thought it would make a great gift for one of my children.

NO, just no. 

Evil, wrapped in fur, that's what they are. You know those baby dolls that never stop crying? Even when they are meant to? They are AMATEURS compared to a Furby. No matter where you hide it, it will find you, it has no concept of time, it can be the middle of the night and it will call to you. You may not have seen it for a week or two (where DO they go?) but when you least expect it, it will open its eyes and spout gobbledygook like a possessed gerbil on Halloween, scaring the living SHIT out of you. 

Furbys don't CARE whether you are tired, whether you are pregnant or whether you have a heart condition, it just wants to EAT YOUR FINGER. 

And Duracell tell us, "No battery lasts longer"? I'm sorry Duracell but if I EVER have to have a Furby in my house again, once I have had it exorcised, the last thing I am going to do is put long-lasting batteries in it. Poundland batteries or NOTHING.

Although part of me worries that it would still keep going. Evil little buggers.

What do you think? Do you share my distrust of Furbys? Or do you have fond memories of the little bastards? 


Let me know


Big Fashionista x x
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14 comments

  1. I've never had one for that sole reason. They are evil, pure and simple. xx

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  2. I genuinely cried laughing reading this whole post because of how 100% true it is. A couple of years ago my parents were cleaning out the garage and disturbed the box in there which my old furby had been nesting in, in stasis for about 8 YEARS. Did it wake up? Yo betchya (seriously?! HOW?!) did my mum call me with is squealing and mewling in the background as she repeated HOW DO I TURN IT OFF HOW DO I TURN IT OFF HOW DO I TURN IT OFF - absolutely.

    It's now in stasis again. On a shelf in the spare bedroom. SOON.

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  3. I begged and begged my dad for a Furby one Christmas when I was about 12. He trawled all the local toy shops (and further afield - I think it was the year they first came out and they were sold out everywhere), eventually finding one. I was beyond delighted. The very first night, it woke me up in the middle of the night, scaring the crap out of me, and I managed to persuade my younger sisters that they really wanted it instead. That didn't last long either, and I was lumbered with it again, keeping it in a saucepan and then discretely getting rid of it when I knew my dad would have forgotten about its existence and wouldn't be hurt. Stupid bloody thing. My kids will absolutely not be getting one.

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  4. We travelled from Wales to Yorkshire with my niece's new Furby in the boot one Christmas. Big mistake. Huge.

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  5. When we were younger, my sister got one of these devil toys for Christmas. All was fine the first few days, it was entertaining and my sister loved it, even slept with it, all was fine.
    Then one night, she left it on the shelf choosing to swop it for another new toy. Well. Hello to the chucky of furbys.
    It randomly switched on at various points in the night scaring me and my sister to death. Even after she was adamant she had turned it off, he just kept coming to life snapping his stupid beak and fluttering its eyes.
    Eventually, my sister hid it in a drawer and all remained quiet for a few days....and well you can guess what happened then.

    To this day, I'm convinced they are possessed. Batteries or not.

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  6. LOL! I have tears running down my cheeks... That is so funny. I wouldn't have one in the house if you paid me! Friends kids had one and it used to scare the cr@p out of us.... Although the vodka in the tea cups may have had something to do with that? :-) Jude.x

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  7. Years ago I bought my Alice one and was telling my PA about the creepy voice it had so she asked me to bring it in – I put it in my handbag and was strap hanging on the early Tube from Wimbledon to Victoria when we stopped in a tunnel outside Gloucester Road and the lights went out and someone bumped in to me and my bag and all of a sudden this creepy tiny voice said “I’m scared in here I don’t like the dark “…….. jeez the whole carriage jumped and the lights came on and then the creepy voice said “I’m okay now mummy “ and then did that macabre laugh of course I never owned up and strangely enough lots of folk exited at Gloucester Road tube and I got a seat

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  8. I still maintain that the one I had as a kid would open and close its eyes EVEN WHEN I TOOK THE BATTERIES OUT. Furry hellballs, that's what they are!

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  9. I had a furby, the original one. It was a devil. It would never sleep, it used to just keep saying argh no. Or randomly laugh. It would suddenly break out with let's dance and start dancing at inappropriate times. It was so noisy too. I think It was possessed and one time I'm sure it said Weiner.

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  10. I loved my Furby! I think I must be the only one!

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  11. I never had one - deprived childhood *sniffs*. But this reminded me of my Bagpuss alarm clock which went off at all hours of the day and night on it's own as we never set a fooking alarm on it! I swear it'[s possessed - it's had the same batteries in it for well over 10 years and it still bastard works! So when people ask me why I have an alarm clock in the bathroom, that's why! ;)

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  12. OMG Amy has only just discovered my sister's old collection and I hate them already. Crap batteries sound like a plan! Evil beasts!

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  13. I have a Furby in a wardrobe and it's staying there until they are worth something (batteryless)

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  14. There is a Sing and Snore Ernie I got for my (now 17 year old) nephew's 2nd birthday, lying in my parents' attic that still sporadically calls out "I feel great!"

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