I read an article yesterday which was talking about periods where the words, Ryan Gosling and PUPPIES were used.
Any more cliches you want throw in there?
Oh FUCK OFF.
You know what? Periods are not fun and games. Not one woman has ever gone, "Whooooo Hooooooo, I got my period" (Unless there were contraception issues the previous month)
So in this post there will be no puppies, no Ryan fucking Gosling and no roller skates.
1) Sanitary towels are evil, EVIL little strips of deceptive softness that can rip out pubic hair with the ferociousness of a bad waxer on a time limit. Do not let the idea of wings fool you, you may THINK they are there to wrap snugly around your underwear. NOPE. Just when you already feel like you have been kicked in the vagina by a horse just throw in your pubic hair being torn out at the roots. Plus, never be in a rush and forget to unfold your flaps, (OF YOUR SANITARY TOWEL) This gets messy FAST.
Also, try not to pick up the wrong type of sanitary towel. Choose wisely my friend because this shit isn't cheap so if you get the wrong ones, chances are you will be sacrificing a lot of underwear rather than grab another packet the next day.
AND DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON PICKING UP THE WRONG SIZE TAMPONS.
I have had three children, anything less that a Super plus and I'm going to be needing them to come with their own grappling hooks or a James Franco attachment to hold them in.
OMFG!!!!!!!! CRAMPONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (It all makes sense now)
2) STAINS are hell. I have a whole knicker drawer full of period knickers. Knickers are graded in levels of skankiness. knickers that are slightly stained, (CLEAN, but stained, you know the type i mean) knickers that your mother wouldn't let you get hit by a bus in and knickers that look as if you have been stabbed in the vagina in, (which coincidentally is how I feel right now) Oh and if you ever WANT to come on at a certain time, put on a set of matching underwear, I guarantee you will come on within 10 minutes of putting them on. FACT, You may right about now be going Ewwwwwwwwwww, but if you don't have period knickers, there is only ONE sure fire way to avoid staining, this method is brought to you today by Eminem.
3) Moods. Now everyone experiences different levels of moodiness whilst on the blob. I get tearful before my period and then whilst on my period experience rage like no other bitch. Seriously, don't mess with me, I can get bloodstains out of white jeans, I can make you disappear fast and without a trace.
When I am on my period I do not want to see puppies, I want to see 2 painkillers, a cup of coffee and I want a cuddle................... NO DON'T YOU DARE CUDDLE ME.
Do we need to talk about flooding?
Or are you understanding how I am feeling here?
Basically what I think I am saying is, periods, what a bitch? Am I right?
What is the worst bit about periods for you? Are you nodding and agreeing with my post or is it just a bloody mess?
Let me know
Big Fashionista x x x