Wednesday, 18 March 2015

Living With Children, THE RULES OF SURVIVAL.



I live with 3 children and, as many parents will tell you, we can have an amazing time together. My house is always full of laughter, it is loud, untidy and to any outsider, probably hellish, but we do ok.

Living with three children, two of them teenagers, means that there are certain RULES that should be followed, if you want to survive. (Think The Hunger Games, but without bows and arrows-hopefully)

Rule One, 

Never pick up an overturned cup that is on the carpet. Chances are, someone has captured a bug/spider/mouse in a fit of bravery and then forgotten all about it. If you are lucky it was captured that day, if not...... Good luck with the mouse soup that you now have to clean up. (Sucks to be you)




Rule Two,

You smelt it, you dealt it.



Rule Three

He who dropped it, will deny any knowledge of doing so, he who didn't drop it, will step over it, until it disappears.

Oh that will be me will it?



Rule Four, 

Socks are fickle creatures that run off with socks that are not its original partners. Socks are ho bags. Buy more socks. LOTS more socks.


Rule 5. 

Nobody is hungry, until you do not want to cook. Then, you do not have children, you have a pack of wild animals that have been starved for weeks. DO NOT BREAK EYE CONTACT. Throw food from a safe distance.




Rule 6,

Peace and harmony is something made up by Coca-Cola or some other brand to sell you shit, if all your children are getting on with each other,  then they have reached a pact to kill you and hide your body in the woodshed, that is the only reason that alliances are formed. Don't drink the tea.




Rule 7

Children will eat food they have dropped on the floor, food OTHER PEOPLE have dropped on the floor and bogeys but if you walk towards them with a licked tissue to clean their face, YOU are disgusting.



Rule 8

Nothing is truly lost until your mum cannot find it. If she cannot find it, make peace with its loss. it has GONE.

GONE I TELL YOU.


Rule 9

SILENCE IS NEVER EVER GOLDEN. WHY ARE YOU SITTING THERE? INVESTIGATE IMMEDIATELY.



Rule 10

Sometimes there will be spontaneous love, just go with it, they've broken something. Deal with it later. Enjoy the moment.







Over to you guys, what other rules do you need to follow to survive children?



Let me know



Big Fashionista x x x



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1 comment

  1. THERE ARE RULES???? NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THE RULES!!!!
    Well at least know I know where I am going wrong.... Feck sake.

    ReplyDelete

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