Monday, 5 October 2015

Bring Me The Coffee, (And No-One Gets Hurt)

Yesterday morning, as I reached for my third cup of coffee, I read an article that was so horrifying, I thought about putting my phone in the freezer. (If you don't get that reference, we cannot be friends) (Yes, I read the papers on my phone, does ANYONE buy newspapers anymore?)

The article was about a future shortage of coffee, genuine, I was so stressed out by this, I needed another cup of coffee.

Now I don't ask for much in the mornings. Peace and quiet, TO BE LEFT ALONE UNTIL I HAVE DRUNK MY COFFEE, and did I mention, peace and quiet?

Coffee is my get up and go juice, in fact I think I am a high functioning coffeholic and I have no intention of giving this up, or even THINKING about the possibility that one day in the future, I will reach for a cup of coffee, and it won't be there.

Like a Dodo, (not that I ever reached for a Dodo, but you get what I mean, I hope.

I drink fresh coffee, instant coffee, my favourite coffee is one that someone else has made for me. I can drink it black, white, I don't care, JUST BRING ME A COFFEE.

A future world coffee shortage is not something that I want to hear about.

I sympathised when I heard that there could be a Prosecco shortage, I did, I grieved with all of you who wondered how you would cope, but let's face it. If the world runs out of Prosecco, you have choices, plenty of choices. The world runs out of coffee?

The shit will hit the fan.

What is the alternative to coffee? What can I substitute for Coffee? Tea?

There are two types of people in this world,

There are the tea people, and there are the coffee people. It is like being a werewolf or a vampire, it is very rare to find a hybrid, I'm sure they exist, but let us be honest. you like one or the other. You don't just swap easily from one to another do you?

Should I start to hoard my coffee, just in case?

Like a survivalist with tins of tuna under the stairs, or your nanna, with her cash under the floorboards? I feel like I should be doing something about this.

My initial thought is to drink MORE coffee now, but then, will THAT be why we have a coffee shortage? Will I be the cause of the coffee shortage, by thinking that there
IS a coffee shortage, did I cause it?

Fuck, it is like Terminator all over again.

How did you feel upon hearing that in the future there may be a shortage of coffee, will you survive? Is THIS how the zombie apocalypse will begin?


Let me know.

Big Fashionista x x x x



  1. You're missing a closing bracket near the dodo. You obviously need more coffee.

  2. My daughter likes to have a cup of tea with me sometimes and the other morning she asked if she could have a 'tea or coffee' I said she could have a cup of tea but not coffee as 4 year olds cant really have coffee as...erm... its like mummys wine but in the morning

  3. Oh it's all about the coffee... I drink so much it gives me heart palpitations. For reals. But let's not mention that to my GP.
    If there ended up being a shortage of coffee, I'd be tempted to build a massive green house, form a collective with other caffeine lovers and grow my own coffee beans. You're welcome to join me!


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