Tuesday, 15 March 2016
A Sanitary Suggestion
Marketing companies, Advertising companies, pull up a chair, because I have an idea for you for you next sanitary product commercial that I think you need to hear.
At the moment, every advert to do with periods involves the ability to make a piece of bleached cotton suddenly make me forget the agony and pain of my menstrual cramps, takes away my spots and my uncanny ability to go from calm and in control to sobbing over a cow and its calf in about three seconds flat and basically turns me into a superwoman.
Now, lets face it. Unless you are dipping those tampons in either Nutella, (Other chocolate spreads available) or Ibroprofen, the simple act of shoving one of your products up my foof is not going to turn me into a roller-blading, adrenaline junkie who likes long walks and tight clothes, is it?
So listen up advertising agencies. picture the scene.
The woman, (in her 30s) is laying on the sofa, it is not the weekend, her knees are up to her chest and she is rocking with stomach cramps, she has not brushed her hair and the sofa is surrounded by crispy packets, biscuit wrappers and (hang on, let me see what else I am surrounded by) empty cups of coffee. She has dragged the duvet to the sofa and basically at that moment, feels like shit.
Suddenly, you see the look of alarm on her face, UH-OH, she is flooding. (Oh don't flinch, it happens to us all) she doesn't know whether to move or not. Should she do that knees together run to the bathroom, even though it is probably too late? This is a flood of biblical proportion, SHARK WEEK has truly caused devastation. BUT NO. She looks into the camera. The camera pans round, you notice, OH MY GOD YOU NOTICE THAT SHE IS WEARING WHITE PYJAMAS. OH HOLY FUCK, IS THE DUVET WHITE TOO? SHIIIIIIIT, WHO BUYS A WHITE SOFA,
She throws back the duvet and gets up to go to the toilet and there is not a stain or a mark to be seen.
Every woman in the country goes wild. YOU GO GIRL, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING? they ask. It becomes a trending topic for weeks.
A sanitary product that doesn't ruin several bed sheets, pieces of underwear, jeans, every month? ADVERTISING COMPANIES, we do not give a flying fuck about whether we can Roller-blade, horse-ride or travel across the world when we are on our period. but show us that your product stops it from being "Leaky week" and you guys, you guys will have a HOT PRODUCT on your hands.
Ladies, what do you think?
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