Monday, 11 April 2016
50 Shades Of Teal
I feel like every post that I write about my upcoming wedding needs to be prefixed with,
"I am no Bridezilla, but.........."
Now, I am no Bridezilla, but why the hell are there so many goddamn shades of colours that DO NOT MATCH each other and look nothing like the shade they are on photographs or online.
Was that a tad too Bridezilla?
(Think extremely carefully before answering that one)
So the colour scheme of my wedding is teal, (Perhaps now, you have that information, you can stop asking my children for information. Just saying.) Now, in 2016, I do not consider teal to be an unusual colour for a wedding. I'm not the first bride ever to choose teal. I don't get to name the bloody colour because I found it or created it, it is teal. TEAL.
And yet, WHY IS IT, that there are, approximately three thousands shades of the damn colour and not one of them matches each other?
Picture the scene.
So the wonderful shop assistant takes me over to the napkin aisle.
"And here we have some beautiful teal napkins"
And the bride in my head screams.
"THIS IS A GODDAMN LIE, THEY ARE FUCKING BLUE AND I WILL NOT HEAR ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT."
whilst I smile sweetly and say, "They aren't EXACTLY the shade I am looking for"
The shop assistant looks confused.
"But they are teal"
OH BITCH YOU DIDN'T.
(Is now the right time to insert another Bridezilla disclaimer? )
It is simple, I do not want to walk around with a Pantone chart in my bag. I shouldn't HAVE TO. There should be a standard colour, if it is teal, it is fucking teal. Not blue, not green, NOT AQUA or goddamn JADE. it is teal. TEAL.
Even Google doesn't understand what Teal is,
What fresh hell is this, Google? You aren't helping here. These cannot ALL be teal. Because if they are, I GIVE UP. I JUST GIVE UP. I am picking up all my teal coloured toys, and throwing them out of my teal coloured pram.
Stick it, Google. Stick it colour charts. STICK IT.
Look, I am sure I cannot be the first bride to experience this lack of uniformity in colour or be completely exasperated by the difference? 50 Shades of pink? blue? silver? Did you know that there are many, many, MANY shades of silver. It is SILVER. For the love of Pantone, Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
I don't WANT to be a Bridezilla, but am I wrong? It isn't me, is it? It is SOCIETY, driving me to the edge of bridezilladom and then TIPPING ME OVER THE BLOODY EDGE.
Let me know.
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