Monday, 18 April 2016

Packed Lunch Boxes And Lost School Shoes, Back To School

So I know that this happened a week ago for a lot of parents out there but FINALLY my beloved crotchfruit have gone back to school. 

This was no half term, this was a big one. Two weeks off, without a care in the world. On the last day of term they threw their uniform to one side in joyous abandon, AND THEN LEFT IT THERE FOR TWO BLOODY WEEKS. 

Seriously, I have spent the this morning answering deep and meaningful questions such as,

"MUMMMMMMMM, Where are my school shoes?"

"Mummmmmmmmmm, have you got a pen I can borrow? A green one?"

and my favourite one so far.

"MUMMMMMMMMMM, I left my packed lunch box in my bedroom next to my bag when I finished school and now it is not there. Have you seen it?"

Wait, what? Somewhere in my house is a packed lunch box, stuffed with possibly half-eaten food, a yoghurt carton and various wrappers? Have I seen it? Part of me hopes I will never see it again. Part of me wonders if that is what has been running around the house at 3am under the floorboards. If the lunchbox has any sense, it will have left, FOR GOOD, because if I catch it, the most humane thing to do is put it out of its misery. I'm not going to open it. It MAY be empty, but I doubt it. 

They had two weeks off, not two months, I found school shoes in the shoe box, you know, the LAST PLACE you would ever look. I signed planners, I gave dinner money, I found a green pen, like a GODDAMN BOSS, and I shoved the 10yr olds lunch in a carrier bag and told her to look in school for her lunch box. Shudder. 

And now they are all safely in school, I am sitting on the sofa with a coffee, there is silence, I do not have to play Monopoly for the next three hours or watch Youtube videos of small brattish children unwrapping toys and then moving on to the next toy and unwrapping that. I do not have to pretend to understand my 14 yr olds homework on genetics, and you know what?

It is bloody blissful, 

Don't you think?

Let me know. 

Also, if anyone sees an Owl Lunchbox, don't open it. 



  1. Haha, I once left my half-empty (half-full?) lunchbox under the stairs for the SIX WEEK school holiday. It was not a pretty sight!

  2. Loved this post.. :) If I have seen the lunch box you will know it has become sentient.


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