Monday, 12 December 2016

Nativity, Tis The Season

If you have a child in primary school, right now I imagine you are balls deep in a bottle of Advocaat, dreading the hell beautiful moment, otherwise known as NATIVITY PERFORMANCE DAY.

Drinks Advocaat.

(Side note, DOES ANYONE drink Snowballs at any other time than christmas? In fact, does anyone drink Snowballs at all these days? If not, that is one drink we need to bring back, I bloody love a Snowball.) 

Anyway, Nativity plays, because as parents, we don't suffer enough.

Recorders, because the teachers have suffered enough.

More tinsel than the tree in Trafalgar Square, and more plastered on smiles and "Oh wasn't that amazing?" than you get from backbenchers after PMQ.

Drinks more Advocaat. 

Does anyone else find that they end up knowing the lines better than their sodding kids anyway? My beloved crotchfruit only had one line and yet I knew the 27 lines before hers and the 38 lines after hers. In fact, if my beloved child would have been off sick, I could have probably subbed for her and 40 other kids at the same time.

Advocaat drinks more. 

Don;t get me wrong, I love a good nativity. BUT, I bloody love them for when they go wrong. That small child that goes rogue and decides to either freestyle Little Donkey or dance their way through Away In A Manager? Yeah I want to be the mum of THAT KID.

Picture credit,

The child that shouts their line after the previous lines have been whispered, the child that knocks it out of the park with their footwork, these are the events that make an EXCELLENT Nativity play. When it all goes perfectly, it is all so safe. I want someone to drop the Baby Jesus,

Don't you?

Have you already experienced this years Nativity play? Tell me what happened, did you get a child that went rogue? Or did something go wrong?

It could be that you remember something you did as a child in your Nativity performance? I still cringe at hitting a bum note during my solo of Little Donkey as a child.

More Advocaat drinks. 

Let me know in the comments.



  1. I have all this to come one day, I'm probably the person sat there saying "eBay our child" though 😂😂😂
    Bee xxx


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