Thursday, 5 April 2018

How It Feels To Be An Ex Blogger

Question, If I am blogging about being an ex-blogger, Am I actually an ex-blogger?

So HOW did I get to this point? When did I start to describe myself as an ex-blogger, and why the hell is it that the minute I logged back in here, (It took me twelve attempts, I think you can safely call yourself an ex blogger if you forget the log-in for the one thing that kept you sane for over 7 years, right?) I thought of a million pieces of content that I could write if only. I had the time.

I have had my blog for nearly 8 years now and for so many years I lived and breathed blogging, being a blogger was my identity, it was who I was. Blogging helped me through the toughest time of my adult life, it gave me a purpose. Blogging was something tangible that I could hold on to when everything else around me was crumbling to the ground. Blogging also brought me some of the best people in my life, I found friends for life, friends who helped me move from London, friends who welcomed me to Leeds and friends who I have never met and am still eternally grateful for.

I NEVER thought I would lose my passion for blogging, and if I'm honest, I never have.

Do you know what I have lost? The time to spend on it and the hunger for it. The love for blogging will never go away, I swear, it is like an addiction. (Plus every time I buy a new dress, I can't kid myself that it is "FOR THE CONTENT") The addiction to stats, well I never had that. I swore a long time ago, the day I got obsessed with my stats was the day I stopped blogging anyway. I was stat-free for a long time and I am so glad I never had that feeling of being all about the numbers. It was always about creating content, if people read it, FANTASTIC. If not, well I had still wrote it. It is always there.

So where did my time go? 

I got a full-time job. I got a full-time job that I absolutely love. I am a teaching assistant in a reception class that fills my time completely. Now I know a hell a lot of people blog with full-time jobs, but I am also going to college, doing a diploma in Supporting Teaching & Learning. I also have a family that I love and want to spend time with so slowly, blogging went further and further down my list of priorities until one day, I realised I hadn't blogged in 4 months.

How does it feel to be an ex-blogger?

You know what, it is HARD.  I wish I had time to blog, I wish I had that connection to social media nowadays but I don't. From a selfish point of view. I miss parcels coming through my door from brands that I never knew were coming. I miss the approaches from brands asking if I would like to work with them, and I miss the events. (Leeds girls, HIT ME UP AS YOUR PLUS ONE)

Basically, it is hard to be an ex blogger, I don't know a single ex-blogger who doesn't miss it. Usually it is time constraints that cause people to be ex bloggers, life simply gets in the way.

Will I go back to blogging?  God I hope so. For 8 years, blogging was who I was. I can't just shed that part of me without a second thought, and neither do I want to. The thought that this could be the last post I ever write on here fills me with such sadness that my plan is to never say never.

I will continue to do the You Are Not Alone helpline numbers every Christmas as well. Even if I post once a year, I still get to call myself a blogger, occasionally, right?

Blogging has given me so much over the last 8 years, I am not the same person I was 8 years ago, thankfully and without blogging, I don't know if I would have even got to this point. Perhaps in the same way they say that friends come into your life for a reason or a season, blogging came into my life to get me through the hard parts and help me realise who and what I wanted to be. When I first started blogging, Big Fashionista was a character, a person who took no shit, who had an opinion and stood up for what she believed in. She was the person who I wanted to be. And now, finally I am.

Quite frankly, if that is all I ever get from my blogging life. I think I can safely say that I am completely and utterly fulfilled. 

This is not goodbye from Big Fashionista, more like the end of a chapter. There are definitely new chapters that are yet to be written.


Kellie x x x

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