Thursday, 5 April 2018

How It Feels To Be An Ex Blogger



Question, If I am blogging about being an ex-blogger, Am I actually an ex-blogger?


So HOW did I get to this point? When did I start to describe myself as an ex-blogger, and why the hell is it that the minute I logged back in here, (It took me twelve attempts, I think you can safely call yourself an ex blogger if you forget the log-in for the one thing that kept you sane for over 7 years, right?) I thought of a million pieces of content that I could write if only. I had the time.

I have had my blog for nearly 8 years now and for so many years I lived and breathed blogging, being a blogger was my identity, it was who I was. Blogging helped me through the toughest time of my adult life, it gave me a purpose. Blogging was something tangible that I could hold on to when everything else around me was crumbling to the ground. Blogging also brought me some of the best people in my life, I found friends for life, friends who helped me move from London, friends who welcomed me to Leeds and friends who I have never met and am still eternally grateful for.

I NEVER thought I would lose my passion for blogging, and if I'm honest, I never have.

Do you know what I have lost? The time to spend on it and the hunger for it. The love for blogging will never go away, I swear, it is like an addiction. (Plus every time I buy a new dress, I can't kid myself that it is "FOR THE CONTENT") The addiction to stats, well I never had that. I swore a long time ago, the day I got obsessed with my stats was the day I stopped blogging anyway. I was stat-free for a long time and I am so glad I never had that feeling of being all about the numbers. It was always about creating content, if people read it, FANTASTIC. If not, well I had still wrote it. It is always there.


So where did my time go? 


I got a full-time job. I got a full-time job that I absolutely love. I am a teaching assistant in a reception class that fills my time completely. Now I know a hell a lot of people blog with full-time jobs, but I am also going to college, doing a diploma in Supporting Teaching & Learning. I also have a family that I love and want to spend time with so slowly, blogging went further and further down my list of priorities until one day, I realised I hadn't blogged in 4 months.


How does it feel to be an ex-blogger?

You know what, it is HARD.  I wish I had time to blog, I wish I had that connection to social media nowadays but I don't. From a selfish point of view. I miss parcels coming through my door from brands that I never knew were coming. I miss the approaches from brands asking if I would like to work with them, and I miss the events. (Leeds girls, HIT ME UP AS YOUR PLUS ONE)


Basically, it is hard to be an ex blogger, I don't know a single ex-blogger who doesn't miss it. Usually it is time constraints that cause people to be ex bloggers, life simply gets in the way.


Will I go back to blogging?  God I hope so. For 8 years, blogging was who I was. I can't just shed that part of me without a second thought, and neither do I want to. The thought that this could be the last post I ever write on here fills me with such sadness that my plan is to never say never.


I will continue to do the You Are Not Alone helpline numbers every Christmas as well. Even if I post once a year, I still get to call myself a blogger, occasionally, right?


Blogging has given me so much over the last 8 years, I am not the same person I was 8 years ago, thankfully and without blogging, I don't know if I would have even got to this point. Perhaps in the same way they say that friends come into your life for a reason or a season, blogging came into my life to get me through the hard parts and help me realise who and what I wanted to be. When I first started blogging, Big Fashionista was a character, a person who took no shit, who had an opinion and stood up for what she believed in. She was the person who I wanted to be. And now, finally I am.


Quite frankly, if that is all I ever get from my blogging life. I think I can safely say that I am completely and utterly fulfilled. 


This is not goodbye from Big Fashionista, more like the end of a chapter. There are definitely new chapters that are yet to be written.

Love,


Kellie x x x



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5 comments

  1. This was the best and worst post to read - the best because I completely get how you feel! Trying to balance everything can be tough and working in education is a never ending to do list and responsibilities. I'n not gonna lie I also welled up inside when you spoke about how you've become the person you wanted to be at the start of your blogging journey! It's also the worst because I'm really gonna freaking miss being able to come and see your blog posts and wish i was as cool as you - guess I'll just have to do that on social media more ;) You will always be a blogger, because this isn't just a community, its a family and you will always be a part of that! <3
    Robyn xx

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  2. I know the feeling, since taking on the full time job that I needed in order to pay the rent, my pottery time has almost disappeared, so I am calling myself "semi-retired" as far as that goes. But I still manage to make the odd pot here and there! Hope to see you blogging again soon.

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  3. Nom or vom brought us together and I will always love your way with words! Good luck I'm sure your a fantastic TA and I'm so glad blogging happiness brought you to real life happiness. I'm happy to be a friend from the blog who you have never met - another ex blogger ! Mwah!

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  4. Crying RN. You’ll always be my plus one x 😂😂

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  5. Totally get this. Totally.

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