Monday, 10 February 2020

Can Someone Please Delete My Dashcam History?

Every single one of us has that one friend who loudly proclaims at some point during your get-togethers,


Well I'm sorry Susan but genuinely, the FBI are not interested in your ASOS orders, the Buzzfeed quizzes you take, or the half naked Henry Cavill pictures you have saved. 

But I need to ask someone a favour, please.

If I die, can someone please come and delete my dashcam files please?

Although I feel I should clarify some points first.

If I die in my car, please dont wipe the memory card completely, please save the footage of the accident, ok? Thanks.

And secondly, I dont want my footage deleted because I am a terrible driver. I am a good driver. Honestly.

Please delete my dashcam footage because when I get behind the wheel I turn into the east end equivalent of Celine Dion, Ariana Grande and Christina Aguilera, with a side of Fred Durst, Chester Bennington and Eminem and I treat the inside of my car like I am standing on stage at Wembley.  Basically my car is my stage and I'm the star.

Except for one thing. I cannot sing, AT ALL. Not even a bit, its painful. So the minute that car door shuts AWAY I GO. 

Now I know I cant sing, and I'm ok with that, what I dont want to do is inflict my voice upon my family as a long lasting memory after I'm gone. Some people dial their loved ones voicemail to be comforted by their voice after theyve passed. I cant quite imagine it having the same effect on my family if they miss me, having to listen to me singing along to Beautiful by Ms Aguilara? 

Havent they suffered enough? 

Also I have a very strong critical commentary of other drivers on the road and my muttering of "What a prick" "Who gave you a licence, a dog warden?" and my absolute favourite, "You absolute knob" are probably not how I want my family to remember me.

So while you are all begging your friends to delete your browser history, why not take a second to find that special friend who you trust enough to delete your dashcam history, and who wont put it up on YouTube for the lols. 

Big Fashionista


Friday, 7 February 2020

Squatting Like Tom Hardy Is Watching

I am currently in a really weird place right now that involves me going to the gym for FUN. I'm not going because someone is holding a gun to my husbands head, or because I've heard that Tom Hardy is going there, (pretty much the only man in the world I would do squats for) I'm going because I'm bloody enjoying getting stronger and pushing myself more each time. (See? Weird) I have a routine of sorts, mainly cardio with some throwing around of medicine balls when the mood takes me (ok, I slam that medicine ball every damn time) and some free weights when I feel that no-one is watching or judging me. (Not so often)

And that's the shitty thing about going to the gym as an overweight,  mid forties female because you genuinely think that EVERYONE is judging you for being there. A bit like in the old western films where a stranger would enter the bar, the music would stop and everyone would stop talking and swivel to stare at the stranger who had dared to enter. Even now after going to Pure Gym regularly for a few months I still feel that as I go through those air lock doors,  everyone is going to stop and stare and mutter under their breath something about not being from these parts (which I'm not, but hey, that's a whole different story)

Now being the absolute contrary bad ass that I am, I could play this one of two ways. Either cry and refuse to continue going, (I've thought about it) OR, I could look to buy the brightest, funkiest leggings in the world.....

So I have been looking for funky leggings.

I've had some great recommendations, loads for Lucy Locket Loves, some for Marks and Spencer's new active range as well as Fabletics and Sweaty Betty. Currently I'm using pretty basic Primark finest. You know how they like to shame you into going to the gym by putting their gym gear RIGHT at the front of the store? Yeah they got me good.

But I want to invest in the FUNKIEST pair of leggings I can find.

I'm loving THESE from Lucy Locket Loves

 My basic requirements are,

Not hideously expensive (Looking at you Sweaty Betty)

Not so thin that when I do squat in front of Tom Hardy he can see my underwear (Looking at you, Primark)

And loud enough so that if anyone does want to stare I can imagine they are looking at my funky leggings.

Give me your best recommendations for funky leggings please.

Big Fashionista

Thursday, 6 February 2020

Trying to fall back in love with blogging

I know, it's been a while.

I'm like that awful friend you don't hear from in ages who then pops up with a bottle of wine in one hand while the other hand gesticulates wildly whilst telling you a thousand stories about where they have been while veering off onto lots of side rants about the state of the world whilst not telling anything about where they have been. (See what I did there?)

Basically, like all bloggers, things got in the way. That's all, I just didn't have enough time to balance my work, my home and blogging and something had to give.

But by god I have missed spewing rage and vitriol on to a page while calling Trump names (Clemantine-faced Devil Dude) and eyeing up cute guys whilst occasionally throwing in a fashion shoot.

Things have changed for me and my blog, I think we are past the time of Nom and Vom and objectifying men. But it doesn't mean I cannot appreciate a good man who is the whole package. (Avoids eye contact with Calvin Harris)
(I also appreciate that if you haven't, and you are considering Googling it, do NOT do it from a work computer. Thank me later)

I also don't have a laptop at the moment so until I can get that fixed, it's just me and my iPad, but I do want to get back into blogging without being obsessed with stats and comments, (although comments are nice, cough, cough)

So hopefully this may be the start of a brand new chapter.

Who is along for the ride?

Big Fashionista

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