Monday, 10 February 2020

Can Someone Please Delete My Dashcam History?

Every single one of us has that one friend who loudly proclaims at some point during your get-togethers,


Well I'm sorry Susan but genuinely, the FBI are not interested in your ASOS orders, the Buzzfeed quizzes you take, or the half naked Henry Cavill pictures you have saved. 

But I need to ask someone a favour, please.

If I die, can someone please come and delete my dashcam files please?

Although I feel I should clarify some points first.

If I die in my car, please dont wipe the memory card completely, please save the footage of the accident, ok? Thanks.

And secondly, I dont want my footage deleted because I am a terrible driver. I am a good driver. Honestly.

Please delete my dashcam footage because when I get behind the wheel I turn into the east end equivalent of Celine Dion, Ariana Grande and Christina Aguilera, with a side of Fred Durst, Chester Bennington and Eminem and I treat the inside of my car like I am standing on stage at Wembley.  Basically my car is my stage and I'm the star.

Except for one thing. I cannot sing, AT ALL. Not even a bit, its painful. So the minute that car door shuts AWAY I GO. 

Now I know I cant sing, and I'm ok with that, what I dont want to do is inflict my voice upon my family as a long lasting memory after I'm gone. Some people dial their loved ones voicemail to be comforted by their voice after theyve passed. I cant quite imagine it having the same effect on my family if they miss me, having to listen to me singing along to Beautiful by Ms Aguilara? 

Havent they suffered enough? 

Also I have a very strong critical commentary of other drivers on the road and my muttering of "What a prick" "Who gave you a licence, a dog warden?" and my absolute favourite, "You absolute knob" are probably not how I want my family to remember me.

So while you are all begging your friends to delete your browser history, why not take a second to find that special friend who you trust enough to delete your dashcam history, and who wont put it up on YouTube for the lols. 

Big Fashionista


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